It has been far too long since I have posted here! My days have been filled with scholarships and finishing up my senior year of high school. I will be posting some more articles soon! On a whim, I wrote this brief satyrical article. I hope you enjoy it!
Guy: Hi, I am the ridiculously handsome backslidden Christian who is involved with a bad crowd of friends and plays football in his spare time. Did I mention I was handsome?
Non-Christian Best Friend: Right on man!
Non-Christian Girlfriend: I love you for your sin and money, mostly your money.
Guy’s Christian Former Best Friend: I don’t know what happened to you that you walked away from the Lord but I’m praying for you.
Mom: That might be my fault.
Christian Former Best Friend: What?
Mom: You see, his father and I are having martial problems because I am a strong Christian and he is an unsaved bum.
Unsaved Bum Husband: Hey! Oh, wait. That’s actually true.
Beautiful Christian Girl: Hi! I’m the new girl at school with a bright yet aloof personality because I am so in love with Jesus.
Non-Christian Girlfriend: You like her! I’m breaking up with you!
Guy: Okay. Hey, Beautiful Christian Girl, wanna go on a date?
Beautiful Christian Girl: No. You’re not a Christian and my parents won’t let me date. But you could come to youth group with me.
Hip Youth Pastor: Hi! I’m the Hip Youth Pastor who had a checkered past but was radically saved and now I wear fashionable Christian attire and preach cool culturally relevant sermons.
Guy: You seem kind of cool.
Hip Youth Pastor: *dons sunglasses* I am. If you’re ever in a life-crisis, come to me for support.
Unsaved Bum Husband: I’m leaving you.
Mom: What! Actually, okay.
Guy: My parents are breaking up! What a life crisis!
Hip Youth Pastor: You rang?
Guy: Not yet. I’m not at the end of my rope.
Non-Christian Best Friend: You rang?
Guy: No, I no longer fit in with you since my previously-seared conscience was magically revived.
Non-Christian Best Friend: What! I’m leaving you! And I’m dating your Ex-Girlfriend!
Guy: What! Nooooo!
Christian Former Best Friend: You should come to the Hip Youth Pastor with me.
Hip Youth Pastor: I was just like you once. In fact, when I accepted Jesus my life became so much better! Do you want to accept Him?
Guy: Um, sure!
Hip Youth Pastor: Okay, repeat this prayer…
*Touching music plays while we see them start to pray*
Guy: Hey mom, I’m a Christian!
Mom: Good for you! I noticed that because of your sudden change in attire!
Beautiful Christian Girl: Hey! I can date you now!
Unsaved Bum Husband: Having seen your change in life, son, I’ve decided to become a Christian too.
*Ending shot of all in church. Credits play with hip Christian worship song.*